-James Post- (Full disclosure, I’ve never written on a blog, this is my best attempt)
So through this post I do not seek to find answers, these are merely thoughts that have been in my mind for the last couple of days.
Once a month, we, the GOTH residents, have an individual check-in with one of the directors of the programs. These are designed to simply gauge personal growth, feelings, adjustment, etc.; to see how things re going. This last Wednesday was the first of these monthly check-ins, as it has been a month since we have moved in, and I met with Abbott.
Our meeting closed with my description or explanation (really it was more of a rant) about where I am in life right now, or more precisely, the stage of life I am in right now. Personally, professionally, and spiritually, I am clearly in a defined period of transition and it is directly in my face. If my life was a trip with GPS directions it would be saying (most likely with voice of Jean-Luc Picard) “Continue Straight on ‘Transition Rd.’ for one hundred miles, then turn left on ‘rest-of-your-life st.'”
I guess I should start by describing what I mean by transition. Having laid down the foundations for my life, I am now at a point where I have not yet entered full on adulthood, but can see it clearly before me. It feels like I’m watching a generic action movie where the hero realizes their power and is going into a montage of intense training moments before going to save the world. Its like Luke on Dagobah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M6MS-qBgqg but the question of “Do or Do Not” is already answered.
Coming back from galactic civil war, what I mean by this is that I am feel like I’m training for something that I know is already going to happen. At my worksite I am a 5th grade teaching assistant and multi-use person, BECOMING a fully-fledged teacher. I am in the Young Priest Initiative (YPI), on the process BECOMING a priest in the Episcopal Church. I am realizing relationships with family and loved ones as they are BECOMING adult relationships, taking on new meanings. The thing which gets me thinking is how stark and clear this vision of my future is, it makes me a little uncomfortable because of how familiar it feels.
Where is the uncertainty? Where is the adventure? Where is the risk? Where is uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty? I mean, right now my former roommate and one of my best friends is living out of his car in San Francisco becoming a ski patrol instructor and living his life one uncertain day at a time. I’m not saying that I would like to do that, far from it, but the sound of how uncomfortable it is sounds appealing. I am certainly being challenged and I grow everyday but I feel comfortable with the difficulties that have been set before me. I guess that is why I am here, to challenge myself and to answer this question of transition but it is a very interesting stage of my life, which feels exactly like that, a stage. This is made even more difficult because the future I see ahead of me is one I really like, and I am very happy to be a part of this program and in this place. I want to be a teacher, clergy, and person who has adult relationships with family and loved ones; it is simply the certainty of it all that bothers of me. Anyway I have alot to think on, thanks for reading!
I’ll leave you with some music, that sounds like something I would like to do every time I write one of these. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1D3a5eDJIs